and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
