Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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