Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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