we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
