I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
