I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
