I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
