There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
