You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is Oprah even human
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
