his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
