I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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