do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
