If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
