at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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