remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
