oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
