We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
