He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
