you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
