Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
