Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
