i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
