rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
