OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
