I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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