worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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