I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
