So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
