So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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