Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
