just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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