Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
