At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
