I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
