Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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