I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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