Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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