i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
