According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love accidental penises.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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