never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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