I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
