I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
