We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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