I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
