i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
