Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
