I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
