I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Welp...herpes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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