this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
