I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
