8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
