I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
