How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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