also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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