we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
