if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
