The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
