ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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