I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
