Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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