They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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