I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
