Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize