you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
