a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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