im having a threesome with these popsicles
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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