Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
