also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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