what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
