I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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