No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
