I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
