So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Girls should come with a carfax report
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
