you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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