There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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