i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
