the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
