so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
