Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
