gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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